Brian (the storm ;-)) raged pretty much all night but I was snug as a bug in a rug in my bed, there would be no stars tonight to watch though.
The morning dawned and I was straight out of bed to see what the view looked like today. It was beautiful, a lot calmer and I could see further into the distance.
The sun was shining and there was some blue sky, the colour of the sea was very different to the day before and it wasn’t quite as angry. It’s amazing how much the weather has an impact on how we feel, my mood was much lighter but I was actually sad to be leaving today, although I intended making the day as long as I could, I had no intention of rushing back home and ending the magic.
Breakfast was the same but I managed to bag a window seat this time – see, getting more confident already!
My main target for today was Merlins Cave of course but low tide wasn’t until 1.30 so I had planned to go to Boscastle in the morning to have a look around and to check out the Witchcraft Museum. Everything around here is just made for me, all the myth and magic, it feels like home.
I had to check out of the hotel this morning so I was losing my base but that was ok. I know that I will go back to Camelot Castle Hotel again one day, it was so lovely and cosy and welcoming – can’t recommend it enough.
Boscastle wasn’t very far, I love driving the country lanes and I was never far from a view of the sea. The road going down into Boscastle was quite steep with a hairpin bend near the bottom. It is a little harbour town with a river running into the sea, some lovely shops, pubs – one called The Cobweb Inn, how cool is that! cafes and the Museum.
It was still very windy but there was no rain, just sunshine between the clouds. I made my way to the Museum, queued up to go in, which I have to say surprised me and paid my entry, it was very busy. It was quite incredible what they had on display in there, some of it was interesting, some of it was scary and some of it was down right disturbing! Witches have had a bad time of it in the past, it wasn’t hard to see why with some of the exhibits but at least it covered everything and told it how it was and indeed, is.
Once I had finished walking round and had spent a bit of money in the shop, which was inevitable, I went out and carried on walking towards the sea. Coming to the end of the harbour I climbed up over some rocks at the end but the wind was so strong I was actually too scared to go too high and too far, I really didn’t feel safe enough – I know my limits.
I had been keeping an eye on the time, I wanted to time getting back for the tide, so I made my way back to the car and on to Tintagel.
I walked down the hill again, bypassing the visitor centre, my main focus being the cave. Unfortunately with the change in the weather from the previous day it brought more people out exploring.
This of course is a completely selfish way of looking at it but finding space on your own somewhere these days can be quite challenging – can’t believe I just said that – finding space on my own, I was on my own. Is this what I actually want? I’ve never truly had time to be Me. I’m a bit of a Chameleon, I blend into what people want me to be and do. I learnt how to play golf, crib, poker, snooker and to enjoy watching football (most times) so I could be with my ex husband, never doing anything I wanted to do. I guess it came from my parents, my mum always did things for my Dad, they were married for 50+ years before he passed away so they must have been doing something right.
Then in the relationship that has recently ended I conquered my fears of water so I could be with him and share more. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed all of it, all of the experiences even the water ones, they made me feel alive and I will always be grateful for them, after all, I probably wouldn’t be doing what I’m doing without having been through those experiences. I just now have to find what I want to do, but there is a huge part of me that likes sharing experiences, especially with that special someone. I just wish I could have said, at the very least, a thank you to him before he ended it. I still wish I could. Will I ever stop thinking about him? I feel I’m a dim and distant memory (if at all) to him.
Anyhoo, at least I’d had the day before with barely anyone there.
I made my way down the steps again, this time, at the bottom, where there had been sand there were huge boulders! The power of the sea never ceases to amaze. After clambering over them and getting to the sand I made myself take my time, make the build up and the anticipation last, to try and take it all in. I don’t think I realised what it actually meant to me. I really have no clue why it did, it just did. I even videoed walking towards the cave. There were people just standing around at the entrance. I turned my video off and just had a look around. I knew it went all the way through to the other side of the cliff, to the sea, but I assumed you could just walk through. I assumed incorrectly!
There were large rocks, rock pools and bodies of water that had been left behind from the tide. A couple of men decided they were going to climb over the rocks so I thought I’d follow them.
Started off ok, but then the gaps between the rocks became larger and to feel safer I tried to keep lower but this only made it feel less safe. All I could think of was that I was on my own, if I hurt myself what would I do?! How would I get back, so I went back the way I came.
I got back to the entrance a little frustrated and disappointed that I had come this far only to be stopped by rocks and a bit of water.
Then I had an epiphany ( if that’s the right word for this) I remembered I had my swim stuff in my back pack ( I was planning on going in the sea but it was too rough) including my swim shoes. Excitement built again. I took my boots off, rolled my jeans up to my knees (sexy – not :-)) and put them on. I put my boots on a ledge that you had to put your feet in water to reach so I hoped they would be safe and still there when I got back, I figured if they weren’t it was no big deal, I would just have to keep my swim shoes on, I’ve walked in them before over various terrain – handy little things! (or feety! 🙂 )
On went the video again and off I went. The water wasn’t that cold, it was quite refreshing, besides, I didn’t care, I was so excited and chuffed that I was doing it. It probably sounds quite sad to some people that I would get this excited about doing something that others would think nothing of, but that’s just me being me. It’s good to do things you wouldn’t normally do, otherwise we become stuck in a rut and forget to try things, then before you know it the chance or the time has passed and all you have are regrets for not trying.
As I made my way further in, the men who had gone ahead came back, they couldn’t get any further. I carried on. I took video and photos when I could and stopped to take it all in – I even stopped and said hello to Merlin (weirdo). With some of the water I couldn’t see how deep it was because the sun was shining through from the end and reflecting on it. I took a chance but stuck to the edges, also so there were some rocks to hold onto. I stopped in one place for a breather and to take stock. I looked down and I saw a starfish on a rock under the water. It started to walk, well, more like a slip or a slide, off the rock. I don’t think I have ever seen one like that before, in real life (not in a tank). Special.
I went as far as I could, well, as far as I felt safe doing on my own. Probably could have gone further ( kind of wish I had) but it was an unknown and again I was on my own, no one else had gone as far as me. I had visions of my boots at the entrance being the only sign I’d been there!
So I stopped and just looked. I felt ab – so – lute – ly great! So excited that I had done something that I considered daring and a break from the norm. I felt empowered. I stood and watched the sea for a while, stood in the sunshine, the warm sunshine, it was glorious. I thought that maybe I am going to be ok on my own – don’t always think it, panic sets in sometimes – maybe I can do this.
After a while I knew it was time to make my way back to the entrance. I said thank you to Merlin ( definitely weird – but I’m me :-)) As I clambered back people just watched. I had a huge grin on my face. One lady asked me if it was cold, I said no, it was lovely and completely worth it – I felt Fabulous. The grin stayed with me. I collected my boots and carried them as I walked along the beach, through the surf, through the river made by the waterfall tumbling over the edge of the cliff on it’s way to the sea. I just love the sea, the waves, the motion, love watching it, hearing it, tasting it and smelling it. Being near a body of water recharges the batteries but this experience gave me a massive jolt!
I sat down on my mat for a while wishing I could go in but it was just too rough. Besides, as much as I want to I’m not sure I could without him. He gave me the strength and the belief I could do it. Not sure I’ll find it again.
After changing back into my boots I made my way back up the hill. I decided I was just too tired and my hip was hurting from all of the walking up and down hills and steps over the couple of days to attempt Tintagel Castle. I’ll just have to go back to do that bit – Oh well!
The time had come to leave this fabulous place. I really didn’t want to. I hate turning my back on the sea and driving away. I decided to have a little drive around the narrow country lanes. My friend had told me about a house that had lots of pixies outside and was a tiny house so I decided to try and find it. I didn’t, I guess it really is tiny! But I really enjoyed the drive, even going down a 20% hill and up the other side, Vinnie needed a bit of encouragement but he did just fine.
I kept driving and ended up on the route back home.
I will never forget this trip. It was completely amazing. It was the right time to do it and I believe it was something I had to do on my own.
I’d had an idea for an ‘adventure’ together that involved dipping in the sea on the East coast for the sunrise, dipping in the sea on the south coast for lunch and then in the sea at Tintagel for the sunset – all on the same day. It would have been amazing.
This weekend, I made my own amazing.
It was tough, still is, but I have to keep moving forwards and I have to keep planning things. I simply cannot go back to the person I used to be – she’s gone.
I am me. I. Myself.