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Tom, Dick and Really?!! Online Dating Insight

First of all before I start this particular blog, a word of warning to my mum, who at 82 has started to dabble in technology and has discovered my blog, I may swear and say things you will not approve of, so it’s your choice whether you want to read it or not. I believe you’re old enough now to make that decision…. but if you do, no disapproving tuts and no lectures next time I see you ok?!🙄😂😘Love you Mum xx

It’s been a while since I blogged. I still haven’t written about my last day in Singapore, I should do, it acts like a diary for me and who knows, maybe one day I will read it to my grandchildren.

The reason I haven’t blogged is because I don’t feel like I’ve done anything of note, although I did have a weekend away with the girls in Portsmouth, maybe I’ll do that one next 😉

This is due mainly to giving too much time to the *cough* gentlemen on the dating apps (to be fair some/most of them are – others – not so much!) Something they don’t seem to do – unless they are bored…..or horny…. or is that the same thing?🤔😄

Online dating is a minefield – but you’re walking through it blindfolded, and in between the mines there are holes (feckin big ones) and at the bottom of those holes there’s a cactus🤣(feckin sharp ones!) Not sure I’d be a good person to do a review on them!!😆

My poor friends have suffered through all of this – for which I thank them from the bottom of my heart – they have helped infinitely, kept me grounded and safe (when they could😋)

Some of them have been going through it themselves and indeed, like myself, still are.

I think it’s become a hobby, I may even put it on my next CV, after all, it’ll show I have staying power, tolerance and an ability to spot bullshit a mile away!😄

Although in the beginning I never used to. I took it all in, hook, line and stinker – I mean sinker🙃

For those of you who haven’t experienced online dating, swiping the picture left usually means no thanks and a right swipe means yes please (or simplified for any guys reading this – left, wouldn’t and right, would!!😆) On Tinder you can Super Like someone (not often🙄) which is an upwards swipe. The problem comes when you are moving between apps, another app, Bumble, you look at the profile by scrolling up and down as opposed to left and right! You can imagine can’t you – an accidental super like can often bring a sinking feeling of dread to the bottom of your stomach🤣😂

There are 6 categories of guys (in my opinion)

Nice/normal/boring

These guys, well, the heading says it all I guess. They are probably very lovely, their mums love them and I’m sure they will be very happy with their fishes that they seem so proud of but, if you match with these guys you’re lucky to get a hello never mind a conversation. Their profile photos are dubious, some people should not attempt selfies, I admit I’m one of them. I much prefer to see a photo that someone else has taken, at least it shows they have at least one friend😜

Interesting/boy next door (although possibly psycho)

There is a glimmer of hope with these guys, they may have written a profile – which often gives a clue to what they enjoy, like or don’t like, but often not🙄 Sometimes it’s informative but who knows, they can write what they want. Some of these guys can be adventurous, scuba diving, rock climbing, hiking, triathlons, IronMan, skiing, surfing….you get the picture. Netflix is quite popular as is eating in and out. Problem comes when you mention where you live (that’s if they’ve actually managed to message you after matching with you), You’re how many miles away?! Forty?! Oooo not sure about that, bit far to travel😧 Obviously not that adventurous then!! It means they just saw a photo they liked and swiped on it😐It’s not as if the mileage and the place you live is on your profile either!! I resorted once to adding to my profile that they needed to check the mileage and that they were happy with it before swiping – I mentioned this to the guy in Stockport 😐🤪😂

This category I suppose gets the most swipes right. I don’t often swipe right I have to say. Although, I have to admit, I have swiped on the occasional guy who hasn’t had a photo but has had a really funny profile and I’ve been pleasantly surprised…..briefly 😆

Really?!

These can be odd. Photos of cats or dogs, walls, sunsets, gardens, usually anything but a photo of themselves, who knows, they could be saving me or, probably more true, they are married or attached.

I have swiped on guys before, got on really well with them and then they say ‘I need to be upfront with you, I’m actually married’ what the hell dude!!! Man that pisses me off. Why?! I’m not judging, God’s and goddesses know I don’t judge but for the love of the afore mentioned gods and goddesses put it on your profile!! Lots of them do to be fair, they explain why they are usually and I respect that and at least you can make an informed decision. Left!!!

Hot Hot Hot

Need I say more. I swipe. I’m human 😜I even match occasionally😧😜. I’m savvy to what way the conversation is going now and I’m a dab hand at steering it in another direction. They don’t always want tea and biscuits😲🤓They want coffee Mum if you’re still reading (I did warn you!)

These guys however can go between all categories with varying degrees. There is one such guy I don’t have a ‘conversation’ with both on Tinder and Bumble, I have estimated we will have our first date in April 2020 that’s how much we chat!🤣. He thinks I’m too far away – he’s in London but he’s still sat there😐😄

WTF!!!

These guys are open, up front and honest, I have respect for that. They tell you what they are looking/hoping for. They don’t disguise it like some of the others up there ⬆️ they tell it to you straight. This has caused me to use google quite a bit😳😂 Let’s just say I have learnt so much, very educational and very much worth knowing for future reference!! Needless to say I am wary of anyone called Dom, it may not necessarily be a name😂😂 . Photos of beds and roses, whips and heels seem to play a part too – but like I said, they are open and honest about it. I have cross dressers in my ‘likes’, wanting someone to chat to, I have to say I’m tempted with this, it can’t be easy to find someone to talk to about it, it’s almost like reaching out for help.

I guess included in this lot could be the ones who aren’t quite so truthful about their age. Some of them look reeeeeaally good for 50 – usually because they are in their 20’s or 30’s and prefer the more mature woman. This is something that has blown my mind. I regularly get guys in their 30’s and 40’s ‘liking’ me, can be flattering depending on how they spin it!! I have chatted to some, curious to know why and they tell me, the younger ones can be more respectful too. And it’s not always a ‘bucket list’ thing!!

From this group I have chatted to a Dom. Very interesting and very open. I learnt a lot, most of which I intend to or have forgotten, some of it was disturbing.

I do like to chat, I find people interesting sometimes. It takes all sorts to make the world go round and I am always respectful, kind and friendly, there’s no reason to be anything else. If they ask for more I politely tell them no, they accept it and we move on.

My Eyes!!!!

This group of ‘guys’ beggars belief!! Trust me!! O M G!!! I’ve said before I don’t judge but seriously, some of them should be on ‘specialist’ websites!!🙈🙈🙈 I and my friends have been rendered speechless on numerous occasions, but also laughed uncontrollably and once you’ve seen it you can’t unsee it!! A full frontal naked man is most certainly not a thing of beauty!! Always leave something to the imagination guys!!🙈 Rubber is Not a good look, no matter the colour or the pose you strike for the photo!! Knitted willy warmers do not float my boat. Eyebrows – there should be two. Calvin Kleins are very popular, they seem to show off packages the best – or they think they do🙄🤦🏼‍♀️😇 At least make sure they are clean🙈😳 Muscles are good but not if you’re going red in the face to flex them. Kinky dressing up outfits – no! Just no!

The one thing that unites all of these guys together – ultimately they want sex. They all just go about it in different ways.

Of course it’s always fun to go out with your friends and hand your phone over for a ‘swipe fest’, although this isn’t always a wise thing to do especially if drink is involved. I once allowed a couple of friends to add some bits to my profile – well, the likes came in that night I can tell you – hilarious!! Especially next morning when you discovered who you’d been matched with!!! That may explain why sometimes you get a notification you’ve got a match and by the time you get there they’ve gone!!! They’ve probably been doing the same with their mates!!😂🤣

Once you have chatted for a bit on the apps you can exchange numbers. I like to do this sooner rather than later. It gets you off the damn app and I think people are different once you start chatting via WhatsApp or text. Of course, it doesn’t stop the crap, it doesn’t guarantee they are going to answer, you can still wait a day for a response to a question, it gets a bit tedious having to re-read a conversation each time to remind yourself what the hell you were talking about!

Then there’s the ‘ghosting’. This is my absolute bug bear, I cannot describe how much I hate it (it comes from a previous relationship) When they read your question or answer and then say nothing, nothing at all, sometimes for days. It’s downright rude and completely unnecessary. It has seriously affected me in the past but now I try and let it wash over me. It’s their issue not mine, it just means it gives me more of an idea about them. I tend to back off and I figure it’s their loss, if they can’t put the effort in then neither can I. It probably means their attention has been taken by someone else – good luck to them!

I’ve chatted to some really nice guys and we’ve gone our separate ways, some I’ve chatted to for ages, still do occasionally, they check in every now and again to see if I’m alright. I’ve made some friends (even if they are virtual) it doesn’t take much to be pleasant and who knows, it could make a difference to their day.

I have had many varying experiences, I have many individual stories to tell, maybe I’ll write about those under a different name!🤓. Not all of them have been nice. I can’t tell you how many blocked numbers I have in my phone and I don’t like to block people unless they have been really bad! I think I’m quite savvy now although I have been disappointed a couple of times when I’ve been completely wrong about a guy. It’s quite hurtful. But, you learn from it, it makes you stronger and you move on.

I started chatting to a guy on my way down to Portsmouth. He asked me what I was doing for the weekend so I told him – going on the train to watch Portsmouth’s last match of the season – when I went back he’d gone!!!🤣😂 Baffling!! Amusing sometimes but can be annoying, why not just say sorry, don’t think you’re for me – I’m not man enough for you!😂

After all that, I like being single. I don’t regret anything. Everything that has happened, each guy I have or haven’t met has taught me something, made me adjust how I approach things and how I handle things.

It’s an ongoing process, I’m continuing my life with all of that in the background. I may find someone, who knows, but if I do he’ll need to have patience and be very understanding!!😂🤣🤪

In the meantime, I’m enjoying the journey, it often gets tedious but I just step away for a while, reassess and then carry on.

Men are an enigma. They think women are complicated!! They take first prize for that!!

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